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The age of Consent and when adulthood begins in NC



I have a 16 year old daughter that is dating and having sexual intercourse with a 26 year old man, but the law says it’s ok
because she is considered and adult in the state of NC. OK that is fine I
understand that law, even though I don’t fully agree with that law.

Well let me give you some background on my issues. I am a 38 year old disabled single mother on a low income, a very low income. I
have 3 daughters 2 of which do not live with me. My youngest daughter is 16 and
she is a 9th grade drop out. She does drugs and drinks and cusses,
I’m not one for the drugs and drinking because I don’t do them myself, but my
daughter and I had a pretty much open communication agreement between us. I
believe if you tell your child not to do something they will do it anyway, so I
told her to be honest and respectful and come to me before going to friends for
advice. This way I knew she would get the right info and make little mistakes.

That being said she met her boyfriend at church brought him home to meet me. I liked him he was respectful kind and showed that
he wanted the best for my daughter. I also met his 6 year old daughter, whom he
had full custody of since her birth. I thought to myself that he seemed to be a
nice young man and told him that I had an issue of their age difference. He
assured me that he was also nervous about it but promised to respect my
daughter and do anything for her to make her life better. As time went on I
grew to respect this man my daughter was dating and grew fond of him because my
daughter was happy. When he got paid he would take her out to dinner go to the
movies and shopping for needs and wants and he also did the same for his
daughter. This made me smile she was cared for and loved so I didn’t worry
about drugs or drinking. I never saw him high or drunk and didn’t see any sign
of problems the daughter was clean and well kept, she was always laughing and
smiling and happy. So my worry of the age difference started to fade.

As time went on I thought mostly about how relieved I was I thought that my daughter had a good thing and I could relax her
boyfriend was on the straight and narrow respectful in all ways and he came to
me like a man. after being in abusive relationships in my past I felt that my
daughter was safe and I still had a tiny bit of worry about the age but his
demeanor and personality were on target for what I wanted for my daughter’s
life. I mean yes he is 10 years older and she is a minor but at least she found
a man that was not abusive and on drugs and drinking, and he was not a cheater.
I never wanted to see my daughter beaten or abused by some lowlife man like I
was most of my adult life, so I was happy she was with this man.

After a while of being together this man comes to me and asks me if he can stay with us because I lived closer to his job and he
would pay part of the rent and support him, his daughter and my daughter’s
needs. I thought about it for a while and agreed to it if he searched for a
house for them to live in.

Everything was going great, he was a big help in and out of the house, he paid his bills, and I had no trouble out of him and my
daughter seemed to be doing better too. After about a year they were still
living in my home but still looking for a new place much bigger than I had.

When school started in the fall my daughter was in the 9th grade and his daughter was in kindergarten. The schools were
side by side and their buses came 15 mins apart at the same bus stop. My
daughter started off doing well she was in JRROTC and she was going to school,
only missing days from being sick. About middle way through school she was
bringing home failing grades and missing more days than normal. I started to
get concerned, and she and I would fuss back and forth. She started slacking
off not doing school work or homework, and her boyfriend would fuss because she
wouldn’t clean the room or wash the clothes and the disrespect and unruly
behavior got worse.

The house seemed to be less and less relaxing and I had sleepless nights. The arguing would get so steamy that I was having issues
with my health. I hurt all the time and I was at my highest stress level. That
was not a good thing for me. I noticed my daughter eyes one night and they were
glossy and she had them half open a clear sign she was doing drugs. I was right
I smelled weed in my home and I was not happy anymore that’s a smell I can’t
stand.

Then she would come home drunk off her ass her boyfriend seemed to be drinking but not drunk. And the little girl was often
sent out of the bedroom to sit with me. I grew more and more concerned not
knowing what to do at this point I spoke with my friends about the issues that
were starting to come to light. They all said I let it happen and I was at
fault. I tend to agree, if I had said no to the relationship I wouldn’t be in
this mess. I still believe that yes it’s my fault I am the reason this got all
out of hand. Well on 7/18/2011 my daughter came into my bedroom and asked me if
she could play with my puppy. I said yes but jumped up when I heard then all
walk out of the house. My puppy was not allowed to leave the house without me
so I told them to hand him over. Of course my daughter got mad and started
disrespecting me. I took my puppy into the house and I went into my bedroom with
both of my dogs. Next thing I knew they were back and I could hear them calling
me. When I went to see what the fuss was about, I saw my daughter sitting on
the sofa and she was pointing at some poop on the sofa next to her. She said “mom
get this s**t up it belongs to the puppy” I was like, “wait a min you are
sitting right next to it and you won’t get it up that’s just pure lazy.” I went
and got some tissue and cleaned it up and continued to fuss at her for not
taking care of it herself. She told me she isn’t responsible for cleaning up
after my puppy. I told her that my puppy was in the room with me and it
couldn’t have been his and if it was his then she had the puppy and was
supposed to clean up after him. Next thing I knew her boyfriend threw my cable
TV remote down onto my coffee table shattering the remote into tiny pieces. I
looked up at him while standing in my bedroom doorway and told him to go take a
walk to cool down. He looked at me and told me if we didn’t stop arguing he was
going to throw something else at me so I said “go right ahead.” The argument
was between my daughter and I and he was not part of it. then he picked up my
glass and iron coffee table and threw it at me I slammed my bedroom door shut
and then I heard a big crash and another crash and another crash. So I called
my landlord and told him what happened and he told me to call 911 so I did. My
heart was racing and I was shaking like I was freezing but I was not cold at
all. I sat with my bedroom door locked from the inside too afraid to open it
till the police got to my house. I watched out the window and waited it seemed
like it took forever for them to get to my house but when I saw them I jumped
up and went outside to greet them. They were talking to my daughter’s boyfriend
and I was scared to get too close I didn’t know this man had such a temper and
I was afraid he would try something stupid in front of the police. I told the
officer what happened and that I was afraid it wouldn’t end and I wanted him to
leave. The police told me I had to get him evicted in order to get him out. I
asked the police what happens if he stays after they leave and he does
something worse what then are they going to come and say sorry to me while I
lay in my grave after they left me to die at this man’s hands? I quickly gave
them my info and went back to my room and locked my door. I’m pretty sure I
gave those cops something to think about on the way back to the law enforcement
office. I mean think about it for a second how many men and women die from CDV
in this state because the police leave the 2 parties alone after they leave,
instead of arresting one or both parties? I mean come on what happened to serve
and protect?

Later that day my friend picked me up and took me to sign a warrant because I was too afraid to leave my bedroom. When I got home
no one was here and the phone rang, it was the cable company calling to let me
know they were on their way to fix my connection. I said come on and he showed
up a few mins later. Then my daughter and her boyfriend and his daughter came
back home. The cable guy was working on my boxes when my daughter’s boyfriend
started making threats to me. They were really bad threats too. The cable guy
was like “wow what happened here” I told him nothing and he went back to fixing
my cable. I guess the cable guy noticed all the broken glass on the floor and
was like “oh hell what did I walk into?”

After the cable guy left I closed and locked my bedroom door again and stayed that way the rest of the day and all through the
night. I was too scared to sleep and I felt like a prisoner in my own home. So
I started thinking of the best way to get that mofo out of my house and the
idea hit me like a ton of bricks, a restraining order will do it,

The next morning when I got up I contacted my friend to come get me again, he told me he couldn’t yet because he was working,
so I waited till he got off. When he got here I was in my room I didn’t see him
pull up so I got up and went outside and got into the car and left. I didn’t
say a word to anyone that lived in my home. No one knew about the warrant that
I signed the day before and no one knew where we were going, so I felt ok. I
was still shaking and my heart was still racing. While in the car just shortly
after we pulled out of the yard my friend got a phone call, it was my
daughter’s boyfriend. He was making threats to my friend on the phone so my
friend gets all nervous and afraid so he pulls over and tells me what happened.
I said it’s too late to turn back now, “I’m going to do it now” just so my
friend would feel safe also. I was used to being threatened because of the
abuse I went through in the past. I was able to know how to get help if I
needed it.

When I went before the judge she asked me to tell her what happened so I did and she asked me a few times about my daughter’s age
and I kept telling her “she is 16 years old Ma’am.” She told me to sit back
down and wait so I did and next thing I knew I was walking out of the building
with the restraining order to be served on my daughter’s boyfriend. I took them
and handed them in and called my friend to come get me it was done. He came
kind of fast it didn’t seem to take long to get there. I got into the car and
he told me “that mofo called me again and said if I bring you back with any
papers I knew what would happen to me.” I told him “I wasn’t going home till
the papers were served so we would be safe when we got to my house.” So we went
to McDonald’s and got something to eat and we waited, when I knew the papers
were served then we left and headed home.

When we got to the house the officer turned his back to come to me before I got out of the car. I looked and my daughter’s
boyfriend pointed and said he would get me. Good thing I know how to read lips.
The cop told us we couldn’t be here and to leave for 30 mins so we went to his
house till he got off work.

When I got home that night the house was locked I walked in seen no one was there and thought to myself “I guess she went with
him” I was a bit upset that she was not there. After all everything I did from
the moment I got up that morning was for her benefit not just mine and my
friend’s. I did what I did to keep her from going through all the abuse I went
through from a man that wouldn’t keep his hands to himself. I wanted better for
my babies, I knew she would be mad at me for a long time because she was
lusting after this sorry excuse of a man, but I knew as long as I fight to keep
him away my baby would be safe and sound, and one day will understand why I am
doing this. I knew I would have to show her tough love sooner or later it just
happened sooner than I thought.

The next day the police came again because she wanted back in my house and I wouldn’t let her in. they told me I had to let
her in because she was my 16 year old daughter and I was responsible for her
till she was 18. Now this is where its gets confusing, why if my daughter is 16
it is legal for her to date and have sexual intercourse what a grown man but
I’m responsible for her well being and care far as shelter and food and clothes
and anything else she might need till she is 18. The law says she is considered
an adult at 16 but I have to take care of her needs till she is 18. In the
state of NC, a 16 year old can quit school, have intercourse with anyone regardless
of the partner’s age, get a job, and drive a car, and she can come and go as
they please, and I’m not allowed to put her out because she is not 18 yet but
she is considered an adult at 16. Does this law make any since to you? It’s
time there is a change so the law is clear about the legal age of consent and
when adulthood begins. If its 16 then adulthood begins at 16 if it’s going to
be 18 years old then adulthood and the age of consent should be 18 and not 16.

Views: 11925

Tags: NC, laws, state

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