School-age kids

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Comment by Tina Mackey on August 8, 2009 at 2:18am

Ok I have been having a very hard time with my 7 and 8 yr. old alot lately.The problem they totally ignore me when I tell them not to do something.Also when I tell them to do something.I know sound's confusing.But I am sure there is mom's who can relate. So please any advice about this situation would be great right now. Thanks in advance!

Comment by Maureen McKeon on January 24, 2009 at 4:31pm

I took the Love and Logic class, too. It was great! They have a book for teens, too. I highly recommend it. I really enjoyed the tapes. They weren't the typical lecture. I almost felt like they were having a conversation just with me. If you go to the Love and Logic website at http://www.loveandlogic.com/ you can sign up to get a weekly parenting tip. It helps me stay focused on those days when I am falling back into my drill sergeant mode.

Comment by Steve Edelman on January 16, 2009 at 8:10am

What to say:
When your child says, "Bobby's mother lets him (add the activity)."
Parent response: "How nice for Bobby!" or "Thanks for the information!" or "I like hearing what other mothers are doing."

Comment by Allison Perkins on January 15, 2009 at 9:42am

I took a Love and Logic class last year and it was fantastic. The books and tapes are definitely worth the money.

Comment by Steve Edelman on January 13, 2009 at 11:02am

I saw this on a website that I subscribe to:
21 KEY IDEAS FOR BRINGING OUT
THE BEST IN YOUR CHILDREN



1. Love your children unconditionally.
2. Each day tell your children you love them. All you have to say is three words, "I love you." If this is difficult for you, there is a greater need to say it.
3. Speak and act in ways that you give your children a positive self-image. Believe in your child. Believe in his abilities and potential. Say explicitly, "I believe in you." How do you know when you are successful at this? When your child says, "I see that you believe in me."
4. Be a role model for the traits and qualities that you want your children to have.
5. Clarify the main positive qualities you want your child to develop. Keep praising those qualities. Reinforce those qualities when your child speaks or acts in ways consistent with that quality.
6. Realize that each child is unique and different. Understand each child's uniqueness and take it into consideration when challenges arise.
7. Word your comments positively. Focus on the outcome you want. For example, "By developing this quality (for example, taking action right away), you will be more successful in life." (Rather than saying the opposite.)
8. Keep asking yourself, "What is the wisest thing to say to my child right now?" Especially say this when your child has messed up.
9. Read great books to your children.
10. When you come across a story that could have an important positive lesson for your child, relate it. Look for stories that teach lessons. Ask people for stories that had a positive influence on their lives. Share your day with your kids so they know what you do and can learn from you and your experiences.
11. Create a calm, loving atmosphere in your home. Consistently speak in a calm and loving tone of voice. Even when challenges arise for you, speak in a tone of voice that is balanced.
12. Master patience. Life is a seminar in character development. Your children are your partners in helping you become a more patient person.
13. Conquer anger. See, hear, and feel yourself being a calm person who has mastered the ability to maintain an emotional and mental state of being centered, focused, and flowing.
14. If you make a mistake when interacting with your children, apologize. They will ultimately respect you more than if you try to deny a mistake.
15. Keep asking people you know and meet, "What did you like about what your parents said and did?"
16. Watch other parents interact with their children. Notice what you like. Apply the positive patterns.
17. Watch other parents interact with their children. Notice what you don't like. Think about ways that you might be doing the same. Resolve not to speak and act that way.
18. Express gratitude daily in front of your children. Ask them regularly, "What are you grateful for?"
19. Become a master at evaluating events, situations, and occurrences in a realistic positive way. Frequently ask your children, "What would be a positive way of looking at this?" Or, "How can we grow from this?"
20. When your children make mistakes, help them learn from those mistakes. Have them mentally picture themselves at their best.
21. Each and every day ask yourself, "What can I say and do to be an even better parent?"

Comment by Diana on January 9, 2009 at 12:28am

I love the advice so did my husband and that my be part of the problem. He is a - I call it "gruff" sounding guy. Our 9 year old likes to stand up to him and just argure and when he isn't arguing he is playing the meladramas and whaling, I am always saying pick your battles- to which he replies I am not going to let a 9 yr old boss me around in my house. Michael can be very mean (our son) telling us that he hates us, doesn't want anyone around him, we are not fair (when we give way to much as it is) he always compares himself to our 3 year old....so I will take your advice and look for the info. Maybe there is smething we haven't tried. I think we have tried it all and been to many dr.s. But this can't hurt....thank you very much.

Comment by Steve Edelman on January 7, 2009 at 6:50am

There are lots of things out there that can help. The quickest way to get help is to go online to www.loveandlogic.com and review some of their material to purchase. Their stuff is not preachy. I also, as a psychologist who has seen many challenging children, enjoy the book, "Try and Make Me!" by Levy and O'Hanlon. Their section on "brain dead" expressions is priceless. The response to the oft spoken, "You don't love me!" is a cool, calm "I'm sorry that you feel that way. Come back when you are feeling better." A gem from the Love and Logic Institute folks is, "I love you too much to argue with you." The best one that I used on my own daughter when she came home as a teen and said, "You're an idiot!" My response was "Okay." This elicited another gem from her to which I replied "Okay." Every attempt to elicit something from me was met with "Okay" until she went to her room, cried for awhile, came out and said, "I love you daddy." She never insulted me again. Now, at 27 years old, she asks for advice from me from time to time and we have a good relationship.

Comment by Diana on January 6, 2009 at 6:46pm

Ok so I have 4 kids and one of them is 9 years old. He has ADHD and ODD. He is on medicine that actually helps but we have one problem.......his DEFIANT behavior. All he does is the opposite that we say to do and when we put our foot down he cries. Not the little cry but the earth shattering whale of a cry. I am sure by now my neighbors have ruled us "that" home, and that is why we never hear from them. We do nothing but give our children love and affection and all he does is walk all over both of us! We have tried all the discipline techniques out there and we have even been creative. Tonight is one of "those" nights that you want to pull your hair out! I have been told I don't love him, He hates us...etc etc. ANY advice would be great. We have been going round and round like this for 2 years so we welcome any advice given gently of course!

Comment by D D on November 24, 2008 at 12:39pm

Having children is definately an eye opener. You go from taking care of yourself and husband(if your married) to taking on the responsibility of another life. It isn't easy at times but it is worth it. Mine are 11, 10 and 9, my husband is 36. The thing i'm dealing with at this point in my life is finding time for myself. Did I mention I have an in home daycare?! So, you know me time is nowhere to be found!!!!!

Comment by Patricia on November 23, 2008 at 7:30pm

Being a mom of 3 school age kids is alot of work. You look at other moms growing up and they make it look so easy and you become one and everything slaps you in the face and it isn't that easy anymore! lol

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